The year 1990. A short, but for me very intense relation came to an end. Together with the relation something died in me.
By a good acquaintance I got the address of a friendly non-medical practitioner. He took much time, listened to me for a long time and then told me things which I disliked. I could nevertheless appreciate them as a truth.
He noticed through my horoscope of birth that I would be able to influence other people by the force of my thoughts. I remembered experiments, which I had playfully made with a friend, when I was twenty. The effect had frightened me at that time. I had kept away from such experiments since then.
"Mental power can also be used positively", the non-medical practitioner explained to me. "e.g. during a distant healing". Power and faint are my topic of life. He diagnosed that I was not I "conscious of myself" and recommended me meditation to reach inner part.
As a matter-of-fact person I had considerable difficulties with the meditation. I couldn't switch my head off and my thoughts circled. So the non-medical practitioner finally recommended me to try it together with others. He knew the address of a group of people, which met for meditation once a month.
At the beginning I regularly sat lostly in this group of people, while my thoughts were circling. From time to time I blinked into the round and wondered, what would be going on in the others.
It became November. A seminar with an English medium was announced. As a matter-of-fact person I didn't believe in spirits. Although the other world tried to get in contact with me again and again, I didn't want to admit it. So I looked for the announced event with a mixture of scepticism and creeps, but also with a lot of curiosity.
I had never talked with somebody in the previous meditation group. I came, then pondered and went again. For the seminar new people had appeared now. Apart from my meditation teacher and her family I had seen none of the participants of seminary before.
We did sensitive exercises. I was surprised about the picture that my practice partner got of me during the meditation. When she reported, I recognized myself without reservation. I was still surprised, when our medium explained a friend of mine would be present. He has already died as a child, she feels one loving energy go out of him and he doesn't provide any reason to run away from it.
At this moment there was nothing unusual or really dangerous for me to feel. Our medium seemed not very mysterious on me either. She rather appeared to me like a loving, ordinary older woman.
This day changed much: Our evenings of meditation took place on excitation of the medium now weekly, I could ponder with once without being hindered by a flood of thoughts and had lost my fear of cemeteries. I saw the presence of my friend from another point of view, too.
Shortly after the event I went to the grave of my friend. The first time I recognized how pleasantly quiet and peaceful it was here under the old trees. I closed my eyes and opened my inner part. I felt the presence of my friend short time later. In my thoughts I heard his voice. "I still wanted to say goodbye to you." he said. "Fare well", I answered. It was the last time that I felt his proximity.
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